Satisfying sigh

Ever let out one of those sighs that is a satisfying sort of sigh? Like one of those sighs that you just had a satisfying meal, a nice jog, a restful nap, where you just take a deep breath and say AHhhhh..hh..hh (Thats my attempt to type out the sigh I am talking about.)
Well that is how I feel at the moment. I have absolutely positively no clue what my future looks like but the satisfying sigh that I am able to experience today is the peace of mind and heart, even though it completely should boggle my mind, but the reassuring faith that God has it, every piece of my future, in His hands is a satisfying feel. Church, work, school, family, location of living....E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G is in His hands.
AHhhh...hhh..hhhhh......
Yep! That's right. One way or another God has and will continue to teach me and lead me to wait. Wait on Him. For every yes, for every no, for every not right now, for every you don't need to know the whys at this time. He has it all covered under his providence and by His grace He keeps me in check. Currently I am waiting, waiting and living a life of waiting. I have learned that I don't need to know instantly in this instant insatiable world. I do know for my "yes's to be yes and my no's to be no", I need to trust Him and His timing for all things.
So where does this all come from? You must want to know! Well in no particular order I will start what is first on my mind. I started college in 2004, I was not a good student with indecisiveness ruling my mind. Did I think I could do nursing? Everyone around me thought it would be a great idea but I just wasn't sure. My idea of nursing was "eww gross!" Who knew I would be cleaning up and comforting those who have just thrown up as much as I did. I learned that isn't what nursing really was about eventually but that was later. Compassion is key. First I knew I needed the basic courses like English, Psychology, etc. Then I went through Anatomy and Physiology I and somewhere along the way I decided no, I want to be a teacher again...much simpler, its gotta be easier! So then I pursued teaching. I had done a college credit course in high school for teaching and felt this had to be the track I needed to pursue. It was during this time that Sean was met by the Lord and his conversion took place. Months later I followed and months later I conceived our precious Caiden. By the time that he was born, having labored for what felt like an eternity and then ended in cesarean I knew I had to help women, pregnant women, in labor, and encourage that bonding in the first hours of life between mother and baby. My heart was unlocked and on fire with passion for life and life producing women! I knew I had to get back to my nursing track. What was different about this time was I made that decision on my own. My wonderful husband no doubt encouraged me and always has such a way of drawing out and encouraging gifts he sees in me that I myself sometimes don't feel confident about. But this time I knew I had to help women and help encourage them in this God given miracle of life!
So fast-forward a bit, I took my classes, with Caiden as a sweet infant into toddler years. I again in impatience decided to take a "fast track" approach because I didn't want to wait (there's that word again) on the professional registered nurse school to accept me the following semester. I wanted it now! In my fretting of what would I do, I want it now I took the opportunity to go to vocational nursing school and it just so happened I didn't even apply to that school, they called me and said my name was on the list to pick up the acceptance packet and then it turns out they paid for it. Yes, thats right. I was accepted to a program I didn't seek out and they paid for it. I was thrilled for that opportunity though I still wasn't satisfied. It wasn't my complete goal. Having shared Jesus with just about everyone in that school, and then getting pregnant and delivering a week after state boards exam I know God had the whole thing orchestrated. I am thankful for my time as a nurse on the south side of San Antonio to mothers who some would have little compassion for and for sharing Jesus with them. Now with two boys, a husband furthering his career and someone needing to watch after the kids with no family close by to watch the kids we knew I needed to be there for our children. Our schedules were complex always fun alternating our shifts, (yeah right) the kids needed consistency. Its been sweet being home with the kids and we both feel this is absolutely Gods will. But I could continue my nursing venture and complete the amount of school I set out for in the beginning right??? Sure!
Yesterday I find out the school I am enrolled in to complete my bachelors courses has decided not to accept my transcripts. Huge bummer. Especially the fact that I would need to repeat up to 6 courses. No.Thank.You. I easily feel defeated. I want to say ya know 8 years later of school with all these interruptions and I still am not done and I still am meeting obstacles, forget it! I am done! That is all. I know that I love birth, pregnancy, the human body but I am learning all things in His time. It may be for later but maybe I need to be content in waiting. Just being still and waiting. So that helps me to remember various examples of life's changes and to be content in waiting.
Church? Will we lead a church out of home? I don't know. But I do know we are opening our home every Sunday to whoever wants to hear about Jesus and the One True God.
Sean's school/work? Thank God I don't have to hold that! He is doing great and he is so driven. Once we know what school for him to go on to I know it'll be a blessing as long as we wait on the Lord for His leading.
Home Church to be in Godly community and relationships? We are still looking and praying. Just want to glorify God and be in His will.
And if we pursue 3 possible different routes to Seans career it is possible there would be a move. Where would we go, which track would be best, will it be nice, will I want to sign up for that? Who knows! But I trust God does and I will wait on Him.
"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" Psalm 27:14
In that, I am completely satisfied and thankful that I don't have to figure it all out. Just wait on him.
Ahhhhhh.......