The Magic Theatre

When I was around 20 or so I went to a magic theatre dinner. It was intended for pure entertainment. I had an attitude like I was going to catch this guy and no one could pull the wool over my eyes. I was completely enthralled caught up in the "magic" and watched every move, I was sure to catch him. But then as the trick was performed before my very eyes, the illusion unraveled right before me and I was completely deceived. I was tricked! My only words were "oh wow." "Oh, wow..." He did it, he tricked me, deceived me. I didn't come away upset, thoroughly entertained albeit, this is a magic show after all.  But at the same time I realized how very easily one can be deceived. Wow.

Recently I've found myself in one of these "oh wow" moments. No words really necessary. Just oh wow. This time unlike the magic show though, hurt tagged along because it was found in such an unlikely source. Such a blow, after blow. When I feel like I'm all alone, no one to stand for me especially amongst so many untruths and deceptions and all I want to do is stand up and fight, I know Christ is my Redeemer. He is my vindication. Repeatedly I'm told "He will bring all things to light, just pray."
God has shown Himself ever faithful, compassionate, merciful and ever so loving. In all of those prayers of "where are you o Lord in this dry and weary land" He has shown me He is with me, always near. When I draw near to Him He will be near to me.
The most amazing thing of all? You're so ready for the more positive right? He leads me to those green pastures, those still waters. He leads. It is not up to anything other than listening to His Spirit, stepping out in faith, trusting in Him. Oh Lord you are my Rock and my Redeemer, my Strong Tower, my Refuge. After confirmation upon confirmation, all drawn out by the Lord Himself, I now find myself in a new but so refreshing place. I have to be honest, I am scared. I see fruit but I'm waiting, I am still, I am patient. I don't want to be reluctant to do the Lords will, to do the work He has sent me to do wherever I go but...I am a bit timid. I see a complete black and white difference but I am a little bit gun shy. I continue to trust in the Lord, the same God who flung the stars in the sky, sent Jesus to die on the cross for me, the same God who loves me intimately. I will wait on Him. Trust in Him. He brings all things to light and I will wait as I do the will of the one who sent me. Trusting Him who has already, "redeemed my life from the pit and crowned me with love and compassion" Ps. 103:4 The Lord has allowed me to not just read His word but to experience His word. He desires for us all to know and experience His love and compassion. Sometimes to understand this depth of this we have to go through some muddy pits. I am so thankful to come out of this muddy pit with His praises on my tongue. I will praise His Holy name, not just read it.

Psalm 103 

Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
 who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
 who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.

 He made known his ways to Moses,
    his deeds to the people of Israel:
 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
 He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
 as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

 As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust.
 The life of mortals is like grass,
    they flourish like a flower of the field;
 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
    and its place remembers it no more.
 But from everlasting to everlasting
    the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
    and his righteousness with their children’s children—
 with those who keep his covenant
    and remember to obey his precepts.

 The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
    and his kingdom rules over all. 

Praise the Lord, you his angels,
    you mighty ones who do his bidding,
    who obey his word. Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,
    you his servants who do his will.
 Praise the Lord, all his works
    everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, my soul.

Moments to Cherish

Today I had one of those moments that make your heart grow.
I am so glad, beyond words glad, that I finally feel content with what I want to be when I grow up. I am also very glad that I have the privilege to always continue education whenever I feel like and that just because I have kiddos its not over. I am glad I have a nursing license and certifications to adequately take care of babies if I wanted to jump back in at any moment. I will keep these current but in the meantime I thank God that I am blessed to stay home with my boys.
Today the littlest sweet one and I were shaking off a cold together. While I am internally, sarcastically, thanking my little guy for sharing all his germs with me I was glad I had the option to lay down with him at nap time. Normally he begs me to lay down with him, today I suggested the idea and he pulled back the covers for me :)
As I lay there and squint my one eye open to see if he's sleeping yet, he had his eyes tightly squeezed shut with the hugest smile ever! It made my heart absolutely grow BIG and make me so crazy thankful for my kids, my husband, and my Great God for the opportunity to have these cherish able moments with my family.
I do miss my job down on the south side with some really amazing people who always wanted to hear about Jesus and plenty of babies to be lovin' but...my kids won't always be so glad to have nap time with mom forever. Work will always be there.

So glad for these sweet moments...

Just a season

Just like I teach my kiddos disobedience equals discipline so do I get to go through the same lesson. Its not fun, not desirable. If only we could've made better decisions early on. It goes all the way back to high school I guess. (ok way before then ;) If only...if only I would've signed up for the scholarship program my freshman year instead of opting to do uh-hem..."illegal things", would things have been any different? I guess it wouldn't have been my life though.
We've gone through all that we have because sin. Period. It would be great if some of this would've washed away with that baptism water, right? ;) But consequences of sin don't always wash away. God is teaching us perseverance, endurance, trusting in Him above all things and He gives us insight.
On one of my runs I have passed three interesting things that God has allowed me to have insight into. It makes me sad but reminds me that drug addictions and sexual sin is still pretty heavily saturated in our community. I pray that as I struggle to come out of some stupid stupid stupid decisions that God would make himself known in my community. I pray that His light would shine, that as people catch a glimpse, if they would, that they would hold fast. I pray that no one would believe a false promise but that they would hold tight and cling to the Only Promise, Jesus Christ. This life isn't easy but we gotta hold fast.
While God has renewed me and created a new heart within me we still work diligently to dig and dig away at that big o mess that came right along with all that other stuff. So we press on and press in. Its just for a season.

Juicin'

Oh yeah we're still juicin'! Ok so its been awhile but its still tasty fresh as ever!

A friend of mine is working on wellness and health. Currently she is going through a diet detox to find if there are any food sensitivities. She can eat some pretty good stuff  as in healthly foods but hey still, limiting anything can be hard sometimes. She has handled this detox diet with such amazing strength and to top it, this wonderful woman gives all the glory to God. She is truly amazing.

 We are having a fellowship tonight for our small group at Big Lou's Pizza. Well now how you gonna go to Big Lou's Pizza when you can't eat any of it? Well this girl is! Amazing I tell ya! So in her honor I busted out the good ol Jack LaLanne juicer and recipe book and got to juicin'! Can't wait to share it with her tonight!

Drink happy!

Summer

I write this blog today to confess something.
I am bitter.
My parents moved to Alaska last August. Yes, Alaska. I am not all that happy about it. I have lived in Alaska for nearly a year and I personally felt it was the most dreadful place to live for my personality type. It's a beautiful place to visit maybe twice, respect the creation that God beautifully made but ya know its just I am a Texan gal entirely!
TEX-AN!!!
I am blissfully happy about home in Texas. Though my family knows I am a sunflower that needs to be in driving distance to the beach, I still hear repeatedly how it would be so great if I would just move to Alaska. No thank you. This is where one half of my bitterness comes from.
The other half of this bitterness is that I am realizing in the summer not everyone shares my love for the ridiculously HOT summers. It is ok people! I know, you're hot. I sometimes feel bad for my sweet babies when if placed in the car seat in an incautious way they may get a little-non-harming-kind of burn from the seat belt buckle. It's pretty terrible I know. But within moments that AC blasts and we are all good. Especially if there is a water hose and some shade with some nice, iced down lemonade on hand, we are golden!
I realize that we don't experience much of a winter but we do get a piece of a fall. You just have to look for it ;) And lets be really honest here, Fall doesn't even officially begin until September 22nd so lets not get all sad when we don't see our temps moving down just yet. Give it some time :)
So if you hear me over enthusiastically say I LOVE TEXAS AND ALL ITS HEAT cut me some slack and try not to look at me crazy.
It's just I'm not moving to Alaska and I kinda like it right here in Texas, where its nice and hot ;)
Good day to you!

Top of the coaster

Ever feel like you're just hanging at the top of the roller coaster just before it climbs the very top? That moment before gravity grabs you and you go rushing forward? While its a fun rush, not every circumstance is desirable of this sort of feeling.

I have a big decision to make in the future as far as my children's education and it terrifies me. I have given lots of prayer and consideration. I have basically researched all possibilities and tried a desirable, and for me, easier route but still feel I need to devote more prayer.

Thank God I still have about a year to think about it. Ok well realistically I think I have about six months to a year or so before I have to really come to a decision.

The fact that I am researching outside of my comfortable box is a huge step for me. I am beginning to feel a bit more peace but I still have the "clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack..........clack....ppshhhhh..............." Whoooo its a lil scary. I'll keep ya posted. I will no doubt have every form of education researched by the end of the year ;)

God Is So Much Bigger

So funny when we really think about it, how much bigger God is than what we may be perceiving at the moment in any given time. I am SO ridiculously thankful that God has guided our steps to where we are at the moment. Some things we don't have immediate answers to, all of the "why's" but oh is He ever faithful to carry us through and to the place we need to be for His glory.
Prayer is a passion that God has put on my heart since the fall/winter of '09. I just had my sweet baby J and now with two kids I felt I couldn't really get out to serve mission-ally as well as I wanted. I felt a stirring inside to get into my prayer closet more and sit at His feet, to not just pray for my needs or my families needs but to really intercede for those around me and for the needs of the church. Its so awesome that my mentor mom happened to be one of the prayer team leaders and really helped me grow in intercession. She gave me the push of confidence I needed to just pray to the Father on behalf of those broken, sick, hurting, and those in need. She encouraged me to listen to the Father and wait on Him for Him to bring about the insight on what to pray. It was really neat to see how God would work to build up His body through prayer. It was really neat to see people break free from the chains of bondage, to throw off all that hindered and to walk in freedom. To turn and praise His name for the work He had done in their life and all the much more for what He was about to do.
I am so thankful for where we are right now. We are in a new church, completely new. We've only known one home church before so its been an adjustment but God is so gracious to show us He is wherever His people are. He is all about Kingdom work and His kingdom is much bigger than we know. We have work to do so let us not forget what He's taught and get after it. Pray for the foundation of souls to be saved. Pray for the enrichment of what He has already laid down and begin interceding for those around you right where you are.
Last night I went on a prayer drive, much like a prayer walk but in a vehicle :). The pastor encouraged prayer for the 10 mile radius within the church. Of course when I read this I jumped with excitement to have a zone to pray for! I grabbed the ladies from small group and we set out. It really is an eye opening experience to just drive through nearby neighborhoods and ask God to give you eyes to see the people He has created and the families that He has planted there. To see them as He sees them. To imagine what life is like within those doors. I have to admit, not many pretty pictures or scenes popped into mind. There are so many lost, broken, hurting, needing to be healed kind of people right next to me. Take a look, they are likely right next to you too. God knows their needs. He knows they all need a Savior just like you and me. The difference between us and them? He has placed His light within us to shine in those dark places and bring them out. To call them out, to pray and intercede on their behalf that they would have the courage to step out and trust a God who is so much bigger. I am so thankful to have the group of ladies I had come out with me and see things how God sees them. To keep an eternal perspective that its not about ourselves but being found people to find people as our new church home puts it. We are looking forward to all the much bigger things God has in store for this community and in our own hearts.
I am thankful.

Never a found blessing is born of a lie

I just had to do one of the most hard things I've had to do as a Christian. Truth in love. I have spoken truth in... and sadly out of love before but this was tougher than usual.

This friend of mine who I haven't spoken with since last fall called out of the blue today. When I spoke with her last she found a boyfriend and was struggling as a single mom. This man who came into her life promised to help her because he deeply cared for her. Although she ignored the fact that she knew she wasn't supposed to live with the man and likely, I wasn't in the bedroom to know, but likely have out of marriage sexual relationship with him. She struggled in our last conversation knowing she shouldn't be with him and I urged her to get into her local church and return to Christ.

When I met her she was a strung out stripper who was a proclaimed atheist. Her journey has been long, up and down and all over. I saw the highlights of her life. I saw the Lord bless her tremendously as she gave her life and totally surrendered to Jesus as her Savior. To watch her be rescued from the dead life we lived to life in Christ, her hunger for the Word, it was amazing. It was a beautiful sight. The Word truly was her life. She was filled with the living God, Jesus. She got married to another individual from recovery. They made their life and it was precious to see them love each other and love the Lord.

He relapsed continuously for months. She ran, but not to Christ. She found herself in a drug infested apartment complex out of town, connected with a man, lied to me a few times, became pregnant and this new man urged her to abort. She wouldn't. Praise Jesus! She came back to Christ was loved on by some Christian women and then had a beautiful baby. Over the course of time, this is where this new and latest man came in. Life got hard as a single mom and this guy was willing to "help" her and her baby.

This brings me to today. My guess is she knew I wouldn't approve of this relationship and that is where we lost contact. Today she calls, tells me she is homeless but staying in a women's and children's shelter where they provide childcare while she attends the school she started last year. The man became physical and she left. She says she is struggling because she also needs to find work. She feels her only option is the bar. Admittedly I wonder is it really a bar or is it a club? She wants to apply for a weekend pass from this shelter but has to tell them she will be out of town and wants to use my address just while she can make some money. She tells me the shelter and their programs don't approve of the bar scene and don't want their mothers working in that environment so she has to lie to the shelter. I can't. I can't be a part of that. I am sad. I feel horrible. I can't lie to the shelter and say she is with me when she is working in an environment that they, who are the ones helping her, with her and her child's best interest in mind.

This is hard. Really hard. Pray with me, whoever is reading, to intercede on her behalf that she would return to the joy of her salvation. Trust in the Lord, the only One who can bring life to her dead situation. I maybe shouldn't even put this out there. I would like her covered in prayer and thats my purpose. Pray for her please.

Take Heart

Sitting here this morning and praying, reading, contemplating the world of addictions, hurts, deep wounds that try to resurface, confusion and chaos whatever it may be in anyone's personal life. We know that by Gods sovereign will that nothing comes up against us that are in Him without His say so. But why must we struggle and seemingly suffer some deep, dark, dingy stuff?

I don't have answers or quick fixes here. I wish I could say this magic word or the magic pill to make it all dissolve and wash away followed by a heaping spoonful of never ending bountiful joy. In these times we have His Word. His Word brings life. His Word brings hope. His Word brings encouragement. His Word brings joy. His word also points that we will have trouble. We will have suffering. Even in the midst of suffering we can have joy. The great man of God, Paul struggled with the "thorn in his side" till death. Oh yeah and death...not that he fell asleep safely in the middle of the night with a bath prior and a great last meal. No he suffered all the way to death. And He suffered with all security in Christ. 

"As for you, O man [or woman] of God, flee these things [all kinds of evil], Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 1 Timothy 6:11, 12 

"In the world you will have tribulation [trouble, suffering]. But take heart I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"Take heart" Tharseo, Greek for take courage, be courageous, cheer up, He has overcome the world. He has overcome. He has overcome depression, He has overcome addiction, He has overcome sadness, mourning, financial struggle, crushed hopes, dreams or aspirations. He has overcome. He reigns, He triumphs. He tells us to fight, to take hold to that which we are called, to be courageous. 

Let us take hold, courageously, that to which we were called. The good fight of faith. 

Oh my Word!!!

Soooooo...........where shall I start this one?? Are ya ready? You are, you want to hear it all??? My randomness?? Ok good, here goes!

First a little background to set this up. Sean, my sweet and dear husband whom I love so very much is, if you know him, very passionate about Jesus. By nature he is an extreme guy and is over the top in any and every thing that has his attention. Thank God that obsession has become Jesus and telling others about Jesus for nearly 7 years. Thank you Jesus.

So for years he has encouraged me to share my faith boldly and present truth to those walking far from Christ. Honestly I have hid behind the verse, "many parts form one body, so it is with Christ...if the whole body were an eye or an ear what good would it be...." ya know where it talks about being gifted differently. "But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be" from 1 Corinthians 12. [Please as you read those verses give it an arrogant air...as one who knows it all. I totally took it out of context.]
 So I'm like if God wanted me to be an evangelist He would've made me one but He didn't, He's asked me to pray for and encourage people and that is my gifting and I'm comfortable (sometimes) in that so...good. Sean you be the evangelist, God has me as discerning, given words of knowledge to intercede and pray, lift up, encourage. We are good! Good, great, we know our place! Nope. Not so much.
Geeeeeez!!!

So we have had this wonderful conversation for a long time, I've had people back me and its been great. I have had times where I have discerned that God wants me to share my testimony and speak into someones life and good, great invite them to church and maybe I'll encourage them, right? Cause that's what I do, but you know what? I've in my nearly 7 years as a Christ follower only seen one person converted to Christ, born again because of my sharing. Not to say I haven't planted many a seeds. Over times of sharing my testimony its made me really say "ya know God is in control, if they are His they will come to know him and its not up to me what I say or don't say." I have even considered not sharing my faith because I've been so jaded watching people walk away from the truth so much. So let Him control it all! WRONG. Ok yes, He is in control, yes. He is God of the Universe! But He has commanded me to GO AND TELL! GO!!!  Not just to say "Hey ya know this Jesus guy really gave me the warm fuzzies and I don't live a horrid life like I use to. I don't get drunk beyond belief, I don't fall into heinous sin like I did before and its great cause it works for me."  I have had people that I've shared my testimony with say "that's great I'm glad that worked out for you. That's good, we all need to get to that point of growing up sometime." No, that's not it. We all need a Savior.

So how did I go from keeping my head stuck in the sand to saying whoa......Sean is right? Yeah I can't ignore not only the great commission (Matt 28), Mark 16:15 "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation", "as the Father has sent me I am sending you" John 20:21 and the one I tried ignoring from when I was newly converted Isaiah 6:8 "the voice of the Lord saying whom shall I send? Who will go?... Here I am send me!" Will I have that same mind set and say Here I am send me, I will go? I have been so afraid of being real about sin, afraid to let a little uncomfortableness set in and let others hear their need, as well as mine, for a Savior. To know the God who sent His Son into this world to die a death undeserved on a cross for me, for them. So that they may have eternal life in Him. Romans 5:8, Romans 6:23. Those verses "while we were sinning"," wages of sin is death" always sounded so harsh and uncomfortable and it scared me to know that they are so true that if someone does walk away from that and they never confess Jesus as Lord they will not have eternal life and they will perish. That is scary.

Last night we went to something called Go+Tell from church. Our pastor said alllll the same things my dear husband has said over and over. I had to tell my husband "I know babe, you were so right. Its true." I just wanted to hide from it because I want to comfort all people. My husband said "I love that you love people and want to comfort them but we can't comfort them to hell." That sounds harsh I know. I've been wrestling with it for so long.

But wait, there is hope in Jesus! Show them Jesus, show them the cross, show them out of His great love, Jesus died for them. That is the most loving truth. The most comforting truth, we don't have to perish, we can have everlasting life in Jesus. To love someone enough to tell them about Jesus. Not just suggest a subtle life change but a big time potential for life change. Eternal life change.

So how did I get this revelation? Not only is my husband living radically for Jesus, there are others living and being encouraged to live as radically as my husband has pointed to in scripture. Its not just that my husband is a radical man but my Lord has unlocked my eyes, the eyes I've been trying to cover out of fear, to show there really is radical love in such beautiful truth. He goes before me and clothes me with strength. (Prov 31:25) He makes me bold as a lion. (Prov 28:1) He has made me to be an ambassador of truth. (2 Cor 5:20)

Chore Galore!

Yea! I have finally made a functional, bright, and hopefully successful chore chart!
In Sunday's message about being a good steward of God's money it encouraged me to do better with what He has given us. Part of that is doing our responsibilities that ultimately help us to save and share more. While I try to be responsible, plan well, and be a good steward I know it isn't too early to teach my kiddos the same lesson.
I've tried chore charts in the past and it just wasn't functional, it was boring and it ended up getting trampled on somehow. Sooo....I cleverly came up with this....

Yeah buddy!!! The blue star chores are ones to be done because you live here and we have responsibilities whether we like it or not. The $ is a chore to earn money. Jaiven doesn't quite get that yet at his age but Caiden definitely understands green. I still need to print pictures to put on the pockets to show the chore or job so they know what to do, but you get the picture. I can easily add more but I don't want to overwhelm them. I'm getting excited here! Caiden's opportunities for money are saving me on some of my chores! Score!!!

He gladly watered the garden this morning and really got excited when I told him it would be one of his paid jobs :) 

Next project is the "save spend give" jars to teach him the principles I am working on getting better at myself. 

Quick thought for the day

Never put expectations on any person. They will inevitably fail you, they were never designed to be your all sufficient Savior or fill any need of yours. That wouldn't be fair to you or them and puts them in the place only Christ should reside. Only Christ is your all sufficient sacrifice and place of security. He will never leave you or forsake you.

Exodus to John

I am enjoying studying in depth, really digging into the gospel of John with a friend, and almost done with thorough investigation through Exodus on my own.
Sometimes going through Exodus its hard to see what God might be trying to speak to ones heart for today. I have found that God is showing me how wonderfully creative He is, how He cares for every little detail in our lives, He desires our whole hearts, He is completely gentle with us and doesn't tolerate anything that isn't of Him for our lives. God is so good. I love how Moses was such a leader of humility, deep care and concern and He had such an intimate relationship with God. Lord let me have such a prayer life like that of Moses. Almost done with Exodus and then I can officially say I have studied it verse by verse. I feel, for me, its important to not just glaze over the scriptures but to really read, dig in and see what the Lord is saying. I can't say I have read the whole bible like that. So my goal is to do this with each book of the bible before I die. I say before I die because it very well could take a while ;)
A sweet friend, who I am so very grateful for that the Lord has brought into my life,  and I are studying through John. I've read John a number of times, very familiar with the stories but this time I am taking the ol Walvoord and Zuck commentary along for the journey. All I can say is Wow Wow Wow!!! Reading John and my commentary together not skipping any beats is so enriching! There are things I never considered looking further into before but now that I am, I am fully enriched by all of the little details that seem to not mean much but then gaining a bit more understanding has just been so sweet and fulfilling. Only through the first 10 chapters currently and very excited to carry on this way. It is so cool to see God at work this way. He is so alive!!!
I pray that as I read and journey through, that His Word penetrate my heart and mind and that I reflect Him more and more each and every day with every particle of my being and my home to be a place where His presence is felt.
Thankful for many, many things!

Simple things...

Now that I am not in school full time, not working, not doing what I call "heavy duty" ministry I am beginning to feel totally simplified and really enjoying that. My primary objective each day is to reflect Christ to my children and keep a happy home. Yea!!!
In times before I sadly felt guilty about that. I felt like I needed to further a career I barely got going in and needed to succeed, succeed, succeed, by the worlds standards. I'll keep my license up and certifications but simply working on keeping my home a home of peace is actually finally feeling completely right. I underline completely because there have been times past that I felt "completely" ok with where I was but just ok. Right now I feel blissfully grateful for where the Lord has led me and my sweet ones to be. We do change through seasons and each day I need to surrender my will to the will of my Fathers but simply knowing today I will mop floors and play with my darlings and that is it, is simply satisfying. Simply.
Sean is nearing the end of his BSN, Im not trying to multi task school and we aren't leading anything in ministry. Serving where the Lord leads sure but not leading anything. Strange to not lead anything initially but if the Lord has us in a season of wait, we will simply enjoy each moment and be content in it. Of course if the Lord did lead a certain direction we would joyfully and willingly follow His lead. Currently this is the least we've been committed in anything and it kinda feels nice to be down to the basics. Enjoy each and every day the Lord gives. Even if you're in a rough and dry season, know that the Lord hears your prayers, He will bring you into green pastures and still waters in His time. Take each moment with a heart of gratitude no matter what the moment looks like.

May God bless you with His presence dear reader....

Magic Mike

I don't watch tv much anymore but I have heard about this movie coming out called Magic Mike. Via Facebook many a ladies are planning their dates, cracking jokes, and dreaming about something called Magic Mike. I haven't seen any previews or really know what the deal is all about. I should also comment these aren't my "church ladies".
So this morning my sweet boys decide they will skip their morning cartoons to play ever so beautifully together (a rarity) and I decided to go from Animal Planet to the Today show for a change. This also never happens. So the Today show happens to have a star actor from this movie phenomena Magic Mike. Holy moly! Since when is it ok to move like that on morning television???!!!! Seriously???? I feel defiled. Not saying I'm better than anyone... Or on television period? That should stay in the club! And further more, have women lost their convictions? Never mind the actors. It was for a quick minute before it was over, just a blip, but it saddens me that women are so widely spread becoming more and more like men with their lustful desires and pleasures. We too need to guard our eyes and hearts from the lust of this world. Yes, women are sinful to the core too but it just makes me sad. This world is driving women apart from their men or men apart from their women more and more. Not only do women have a skewed idea of what they should look like but now men too need to be compared to male strippers and a woman has the idea a male stripper body is what her man should look like or maybe just desire him to look like. It just makes me sad. I know I shouldn't expect anything different from people who aren't in Christ. I more than likely would have been one of the excited gals without Christ in my life.
We do, male and female alike, need take care of ourselves and exercise, improve our health, yes, but rather than being satisfied with who God has given us and take delight in our spouses our world is bombarded with things like Magic Mike and all the other lustful scenes. And people are excited about this. And for the single ladies, look to a man with dignity and respect not one who seeks to sell their body.
Matthew 5:28 "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman [man] with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her [him] in his [her] heart." Time to start dubbing in "man", "her", and "him".
Malachi 2:15 "Guard yourselves in your spirit and let none of you be faithless to the wife [or husband] of your youth."

P.S. I've decided anything outside of Nick jr, some of Animal Planet or the Christian music station is just not a good idea.

Summer days...

I hate to admit but me and my chillen's did absolutely nothing today.....zip, zero, zilch. Ok well we did a little work in the back yard. We watered, cleaned out their little pool and played. But that was it. Normally I try to be super productive in one way or another but not today! It was nice. I even rested while they rested today. For real! Ahhh....that's some good stuff. I recommend everyone do that every once in a while. As I currently blog my sweet ones are enjoying their indoor sheets and pillows tent. You've gotta just love summer days!

Not being in school, or considering what next step to take but just sitting in the moment with my darlings has been great this week. I've been out of school for a little over two weeks but its just now sinking in this week and I think I'm loving it. Thank you God for this peace and contentment.

On another note....
I am beginning to really get excited about serving in our new church. Still don't know what the future holds for my dear husband and ministry and leadership or medical career but for now I am signed up to serve where we are and I am really looking forward to it. Its so cool to live right next to church, serve around the corner and then run into your oikos on date night in your area. God has had us cross paths with some really neat people. So cool! I just love seeing how God works all of those things out. Praise the Lord! His ways are always better than ours.

"Many are the plans in a person's heart but it is the Lords purpose that prevails" Proverbs 19:21

June 14, 2003

Today I am reminiscent of the day I officially, under God (though I didn't have a personal relationship with him just yet), said I will for better, worse, rich, poor, sick and in health, love, cherish, and honor my husband. Being a little girl who thought I never wanted that, what a day that was. Looking back I still had a hard heart because I didn't have Jesus just yet but man oh man is He redemptive! I remember my fear and lack of secure hope because it wasn't in Jesus. Does He ever take things and purify them, make them whiter than snow, cleanse them from all unrighteousness and make it all to glorify him. I can now look at my husband and walk in accordance with Gods word and know what it is to love, cherish and honor my husband as unto the Lord.
These past nine years have been filled with fun, tests, growth, maturity, love, grace, mercy oh the list goes on. Today I look at it all and I am filled with thankfulness. I know that there isn't one moment we can begin to feel like we've accomplished it and conquered it. We have to always stand guard to the schemes of our enemy who would love to see marriage destroyed. We know that marriage is a picture of Jesus and His church and there isn't a second to let that take a back seat. Marriage is important and we have to nurture it always.
I often will read marriage books (Christian ones), listen to marriage sermons, pray for my marriage in a way you would think there must be trouble in paradise but that is quite the contrary. I feel that you have to stay on top of that in order to have a blissful marriage, to stay on it and pursue righteousness and holiness in one of the most important relationships a person can have. Not to mention our children are watching and I desire that one day when my little men grow up and look for a wife that they would find one that loves Jesus, that loves and respects them as men, and that together with their wife they would pursue Jesus with a passion.
Today I celebrate all that God has done in the love and unity of my marriage to Sean. I am thankful that God brought us together way back in elementary school, that He made Sean my very very best friend at  the age of 14 and I am even thankful for the rough times because of all that God has taught us through that. He has taught me to love, to give mercy, to give grace and to forgive because He first loved and forgave me.

                                                                 Celebrate Love!!!

Where am I???

Man! I feel like I've been around the world and not quite back.
Though my sphere of influence has always been right here, I haven't moved anywhere, I find myself in a completely new, but old at the same time, community.
Still I consider the apostle Paul. He was converted, spent years away from his hometown learning and growing the the Lord Jesus Christ. Then he eventually came back to his hometown and preached the Lord Jesus there. Yes, that is what I feel has happened here. To some degree...certainly not the apostle Paul and have certainly not been through the hardships he endured.
Leading church in our home was a really neat time. Wow. Had no clue the spiritual level that it takes you to. The target on your back becomes like a red hot, flashing light for a bulls eye. Dang! Wow. Seriously. Did not quite expect the level of spiritual warfare that goes down.
Also during this time though, God taught us so much. Trust Him, rely on Him for everything. Everything. He never left us. It felt like a hot, hotter than hot and dry desert. During this time we realized that if we were to go into ministry we best make our calling sure. This stuff isn't for sissy's. And its probably a good idea to go about it the right way. A core of believers surrounding you is very important for encouragement and just simply praying for the needs from within. Still such a season of learning and growth.
Its been amazing and humbling to sit still, rest in Him, and be completely subject to His guidance. The awesome thing is when you come to a place of running out of yourself, being so completely alone, He takes over. He will NOT take second place even to our best efforts of what we think is the good and right thing. Not every good thing is His thing.
Now we find ourselves at a very unconventional place of worship. We would have never tried it before having gone through this season. I know its sad to say, for so many reasons. Its neat to see God guide us, and really comfort us as a faithful Father. This church is young, many exciting things going on in the lives of those who come there. I pray that the Lord is exalted among these people that they would see God for all of His magnificence and that they would know He desires great, great things for them. I pray that God would use us to help shine His presence, to be His vessel for all that I know He desires to do there. I pray that my husband and I would remain still, and sit awhile as we wait for Him to move. That our mouths wouldn't speak unless He would have it. I pray that anytime our mouths do open that it would bring ministry, comfort, healing, wisdom, His presence to those who earnestly seek Him.
We don't know what tomorrow holds. We wait, we pray, we seek Him. Will my husband further his medical career as planned a year ago once he has his bachelors by the fall? Will he feel called, assuredly, to ministry? We won't move until He makes it clear. Until then we will be who He has called us to be where He has called us to. We hope you pray for us as well as our oikos...

Why hello blog world

Been such awhile but thought I'd catch ya up really quick on some amazing things.
First God is as always so good so good.
I was able to see a woman get baptized yesterday who a week prior was so messed, wanting to die, fogged by vodka, pain killers, and antidepressants. So malnourished, and her body so wrecked that clumps of hair were falling out. I first met her about two years ago when the Lord put her on my heart and had me pray for her. My pastor had always taught to be sensitive to the Spirit and if God lays someone on your heart to pray for you'd better be bold and ask them if you can pray for them. to let God be glorified. At that time she hadn't yet found herself in the circumstances God just rescued her from. I didn't know her, had never seen her but felt compelled to tell her that Jesus loved her, He was there for her and she had a story to tell, His story. I could see that she was of the world and didn't yet know Jesus but He was calling for her.
Time passed, we connected through her good friend who brought her to church that day. Spent some time trying to show her how to read her bible, that Jesus was beckoning her but she needed to let go of the love for the world. She wasn't ready. Fast forward two years, much pain, much of the story was yet to be written. I watched it play out, her heart turned hard towards Christians, God, and she only wanted the pleasures of this life. She left for another town, same scene and through much pain God rescued her. He sent His ambassadors to pull her from the muck, the mire, the mud. Guided by the Holy Spirit they took the three hour trip to find her and pull her out of this mess. She surrendered. To Christ she came. She sobered up, began to hunger for Christ, laid it all down and was baptized yesterday afternoon. HALLELUJAH!!!
She still remembers our time in prayer, she remembers how the timing was right for then, how these other women played such a critical role in her life and coming to know Jesus. She knows just how desperate she became for Christ and hopes to never forget what life is like without her Savior. Watching her be baptized, her understanding that Jesus washed all her sins away, watching the Son shine on her yesterday afternoon in that pool as we sang Amazing Grace was simply an amazing testimony to the power of Christ. Simply amazing.
I wish I could really convey what an amazing sight the past two years with her has been. There is a time for everything. Trust God, hear His voice, trust Him and His timing. He hears your prayers and reconciles those who are His. Praise Him.

Whats new?

Man I love God and all of His greatness!!!
Never know what's going on next but I think I am pretty excited for the moment!
 Ever have one of those times where you are soooo against a certain something and then realize you were being completely judgmental and maybe even hindering what God wanted to do? Well let me tell you. I am completely opposed to seeker friendly movements and the whole idea to make everyone feel all comfy. Which I love people and I love making others feel comfortable but when it comes to God's word and preserving the truth let us not hold back.
I have received fliers in the mail and I have literally scrunched up my face, said from the pit of my stomach "UGH" and thrown these fliers that I feel blaspheme God straight into the trash.
So now what, you ask? Whats new?
As Sean and I graciously realize it may not have been Gods plan for him to start a church and be lead pastor with the lack of attendance and lack of co-laborers, we sigh with relief yes, but at the same time feel a bit lost. We know God wants us in our community, to be a part of doing God things right here where we live, but finding the right spot is taxing. We've looked and looked, prayed, prayed and keep on praying for where this might be. With complete and utter desperation, hesitation, and for the sheer purpose of saying you can't say we didn't try, we found ourselves trying this church 2 miles from home that I (we) have been completely disgusted with.
Sean even miraculously woke up saying we have to try it. Sunday we go, look at each other as we walk in to worship, and have that silent look at each other like 'we will never come back, scratch this off the list' look. Somehow, when the pastor began teaching something moved over our hearts enough to become curious about it. Afterwards we looked at each other like what on Gods green earth is going on here? The kids loved it, which was a bonus but for some reason we began to consider learning more about this guy. What is he all about? He preached Jesus, living in Jesus and if you're apart from him and against his word you're looking at eternity separated from him in hell. Those aren't typical phrases a seeker friendly church preaches. My husband, yes, he speaks that often, seeker friendly movements...never!
The guy is evangelistic, check. But what about discipleship? They had a "learn more about the church" opportunity later in the afternoon right at our "open doors if you want to hear about Jesus in our home" time period. We discussed if no one showed up we would wait thirty minutes and go see if we could learn more about this guy who is definitely unique. No one showed up.
So...they (the congregation) are different. A lot like Sean and I when we were first saved. The pastor is seemingly legit, we think. He knows Gods word, the essentials fall in line with our beliefs, he loves Jesus, loves people and doesn't want to see one perish, wants all to have the opportunity to have heard the gospel. So....whats wrong with that you ask? Scriptural it is, yes. But I didn't tell you they played a Van Halen song (Jump) in the middle of worship. Also coming soon is Rhianna. What the heck? Is that God glorifying? The fliers I disgustingly dumped in the trash previously? (A high heeled leg from calf down, "bringing sexy back" marriage series) Right? He states he does this by design, reaching the unreachable. He targets men specifically to let walls fall down and provide the opportunity where they would consider hearing about Jesus. He commented he doesn't like that type of music but that it is this way by design. He also commented that he would like to see the church grow so much that he can't count anymore.
I say no, no, no. But why not? If anyone has an ear let them hear? Go and make disciples of all nations (all peoples) (Matt 28). There were multitudes praising His name (Rev).
We met him afterward, asked about discipleship and he stated he really has been praying for just the right people, he wasn't into appointing anyone (that's a plus), and would like to talk to us more. Its weird. I don't know about all of this. Very different. From the outside its all a bunch of no no no but on the inside I think this pastor may be on to something. They are only two years old and in the process of building up the right pieces and players to make a functioning church. So much more weird is that we began praying that God would allow us to help a local church, to use our gifts and come alongside to help leaders who may need it months ago when we were still trying to figure out Gods will in our living room and leading people.
We are confused. We are excited because we know God is in control of all things. Who knows what is in store. We wait, pray, fast, wait, pray and repeat.
Aren't you excited to be on this journey too? Pray with us. The last thing we want is deception and what we want most is Gods glorifying will to be ever present. Don't you feel a small sense of excitement that God is doing something? Something is shifting something is moving and we want what God wants! Lets PRAY AND OBEY!

Satisfying sigh

Ever let out one of those sighs that is a satisfying sort of sigh? Like one of those sighs that you just had a satisfying meal, a nice jog, a restful nap, where you just take a deep breath and say AHhhhh..hh..hh (Thats my attempt to type out the sigh I am talking about.)
Well that is how I feel at the moment. I have absolutely positively no clue what my future looks like but the satisfying sigh that I am able to experience today is the peace of mind and heart, even though it completely should boggle my mind, but the reassuring faith that God has it, every piece of my future, in His hands is a satisfying feel. Church, work, school, family, location of living....E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G is in His hands.
AHhhh...hhh..hhhhh......
Yep! That's right. One way or another God has and will continue to teach me and lead me to wait. Wait on Him. For every yes, for every no, for every not right now, for every you don't need to know the whys at this time. He has it all covered under his providence and by His grace He keeps me in check. Currently I am waiting, waiting and living a life of waiting. I have learned that I don't need to know instantly in this instant insatiable world. I do know for my "yes's to be yes and my no's to be no", I need to trust Him and His timing for all things.
So where does this all come from? You must want to know! Well in no particular order I will start what is first on my mind. I started college in 2004, I was not a good student with indecisiveness ruling my mind. Did I think I could do nursing? Everyone around me thought it would be a great idea but I just wasn't sure. My idea of nursing was "eww gross!" Who knew I would be cleaning up and comforting those who have just thrown up as much as I did. I learned that isn't what nursing really was about eventually but that was later. Compassion is key. First I knew I needed the basic courses like English, Psychology, etc. Then I went through Anatomy and Physiology I and somewhere along the way I decided no, I want to be a teacher again...much simpler, its gotta be easier! So then I pursued teaching. I had done a college credit course in high school for teaching and felt this had to be the track I needed to pursue. It was during this time that Sean was met by the Lord and his conversion took place. Months later I followed and months later I conceived our precious Caiden. By the time that he was born, having labored for what felt like an eternity and then ended in cesarean I knew I had to help women, pregnant women, in labor, and encourage that bonding in the first hours of life between mother and baby. My heart was unlocked and on fire with passion for life and life producing women! I knew I had to get back to my nursing track. What was different about this time was I made that decision on my own. My wonderful husband no doubt encouraged me and always has such a way of drawing out and encouraging gifts he sees in me that I myself sometimes don't feel confident about. But this time I knew I had to help women and help encourage them in this God given miracle of life!
So fast-forward a bit, I took my classes, with Caiden as a sweet infant into toddler years. I again in impatience decided to take a "fast track" approach because I didn't want to wait (there's that word again) on the professional registered nurse school to accept me the following semester. I wanted it now! In my fretting of what would I do, I want it now I took the opportunity to go to vocational nursing school and it just so happened I didn't even apply to that school, they called me and said my name was on the list to pick up the acceptance packet and then it turns out they paid for it. Yes, thats right. I was accepted to a program I didn't seek out and they paid for it. I was thrilled for that opportunity though I still wasn't satisfied. It wasn't my complete goal. Having shared Jesus with just about everyone in that school, and then getting pregnant and delivering a week after state boards exam I know God had the whole thing orchestrated. I am thankful for my time as a nurse on the south side of San Antonio to mothers who some would have little compassion for and for sharing Jesus with them. Now with two boys, a husband furthering his career and someone needing to watch after the kids with no family close by to watch the kids we knew I needed to be there for our children. Our schedules were complex always fun alternating our shifts, (yeah right) the kids needed consistency. Its been sweet being home with the kids and we both feel this is absolutely Gods will. But I could continue my nursing venture and complete the amount of school I set out for in the beginning right??? Sure!
Yesterday I find out the school I am enrolled in to complete my bachelors courses has decided not to accept my transcripts. Huge bummer. Especially the fact that I would need to repeat up to 6 courses. No.Thank.You. I easily feel defeated. I want to say ya know 8 years later of school with all these interruptions and I still am not done and I still am meeting obstacles, forget it! I am done! That is all. I know that I love birth, pregnancy, the human body but I am learning all things in His time. It may be for later but maybe I need to be content in waiting. Just being still and waiting. So that helps me to remember various examples of life's changes and to be content in waiting.
Church? Will we lead a church out of home? I don't know. But I do know we are opening our home every Sunday to whoever wants to hear about Jesus and the One True God.
Sean's school/work? Thank God I don't have to hold that! He is doing great and he is so driven. Once we know what school for him to go on to I know it'll be a blessing as long as we wait on the Lord for His leading.
Home Church to be in Godly community and relationships? We are still looking and praying. Just want to glorify God and be in His will.
And if we pursue 3 possible different routes to Seans career it is possible there would be a move. Where would we go, which track would be best, will it be nice, will I want to sign up for that? Who knows! But I trust God does and I will wait on Him.
"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" Psalm 27:14
In that, I am completely satisfied and thankful that I don't have to figure it all out. Just wait on him.
Ahhhhhh.......

Been quite a while

I know its been quite a while since I've last blogged. I really do like this whole concept I just haven't had much time to sit and do it without being interrupted a thousand times. We will see how this goes. I intend to keep it short.

Today's random thought but completely heart felt is, my husband. I would have face booked "I heart my husband". But since I know Facebook can be a breeding ground for either "so happy for you" or "ugh you and your happiness make me sick", I decided I had to get it out somehow. Blogger it is!

I don't intend to make anyone feel bad by praising my husband but you must know this is coming from a girl who really never ever, ever, ever wanted to be married. Seriously. I scour the files of my memory to imagine at least one memory of dreaming the wedding day, big white wedding dress, anything? Nothing. I really had a bad taste about marriage. I had a barbie doll with a wedding dress and I remember thinking the dress was ugly. Sad I know. I dreamt of growing up independently, being completely self reliant, and never for a second giving anyone your heart. Never! So how on earth does this happen? I did marry Sean before Christ came and changed our lives radically but I still had that hard heart, your going to hurt me eventually and we will separate at some point I am sure, attitude. Sad.

What brings me to these thoughts is I am so thankful for my husband who desires to provide for his family, he desires that I stay home to keep up with the house (if I feel like it he even says), love our kids like no one else can and just have a smile when he comes home. I am beyond blessed. I thank God tremendously for taking this heart of stone and lighting it on fire for Him the One and Only True God. Without Christ I would not be the mother I even pray to attempt to be nor the wife for Sean that God desires. I get it now. This is the abundant life. Submitting your will, your heart to God alone. Not abundantly blessed with material things, wealth, hefty 401k, but spiritual blessings beyond what this former heart of stone could have ever imagined possible. Thank you Jesus for saving me.

That is all. I just wanted to whoever still may stumble upon this to look at your blessings no matter how big or really how small they are to be THANKFUL. Have a heart of gratitude. This sure isn't the life I had dreamt up when I was little. I don't think I ever dreamt of cleaning a poop accident out of the bath tub but this is absolutely the abundant life God had in mind for me. THANKFUL.

Three sweet little months

It has been three sweet little months of fellowshipping in our home. It has been exciting, scary, humbling, refining, the list goes on and I know it will continue. Who knew? I love how God seems to continue to speak to us through His word, through his servants, and nudgings of the Holy Spirit. He is so ALIVE!

As my husband and I laid in bed and prayed it was easy for me to so subtly suggest maybe we just need to round up some people and join another local church??? Why did I even ask this? We all know hosting week after week can become draining. Don't forget this is a house church, house as in my home. NO problem with it except when I clean up after my two little tornadoes, for the who knows how many times that morning, 20 minutes before church starts. Oh man! Am I complaining again??? Geesh! I am so sinful! Really who am I to complain? When Paul, Epaphroditus, Barnabas, and all of the other servants of the Lord faced death? Really? Toys in a toy room? Woe is me!

I love how my husband teaches out of Gods word. He is real, he doesn't try to sugar coat, he delivers Gods word. I respect him for it. We all have our good days and bad. We all shine brighter on some days more than others but he is the first to admit where he needs refining and a little more shaping. Not to say he's done bad. As a matter of fact last Sunday may have been one of the best sermons I've heard, not just from him but on the top 10 list. I love him for what he does, how hard he works, and how devoted to the Lord our God he is. Praise God the Father for knowing our best interests and leading us there.

I am reminded that God didn't call us to be comfortable. Who am I, again I have to ask!? I am reminded that we are "but a vapor" James 4:14 My life is only called into existence by God to be made like Him so that others may know Him and He be glorified. That's the humbling part for sure.

Lord lead us, guide us, "teach us to number our days aright" (Ps. 90:12). Thank you Father for all of your blessings on this side of heaven and in the heavenlies. And as the song goes...Here's my heart Lord take and seal it for thy courts above...

So glad to be able to share this journey with you!