I just have to toot my husbands horn for just a sec. Yesterday's sermon at our home church, we now call Redemption Hill, was absolutely right on and very encouraging. I am so thankful that God has walked Sean and I through this one little step at a time. One step unfolds just after we take the next step and the next. No doubt Sean is gifted in teaching and preaching Gods holy word. He remains humble through this too as he desires to do this the best he can through Christ. Yesterday we covered Philippians 1:12-18 and really thought about what it means to maintain or even just grasp joy in times of persecution and opposition. While we may not be the apostle Paul in chains in Rome we sure can take a look at what we call persecution and opposition and learn from Paul as he preached the gospel of Christ while he was chained to Roman guards facing punishment for the very thing, preaching Christ. And I sit here and complain and lose my joy over a messy house, energetic boys, and a dog that seems to always find the mud and track it in the house? What??? I can't have joy? I can't proclaim Jesus to my two most important little men because I am too busy fussing?? Over what??? Geesh! Reality check on what this life really is suppose to be about. I must focus on Christ and share Jesus no matter my circumstance, that in turn brings joy because its the Fathers plan for us. Focus on Jesus, focus, focus, focus. Reminds me of Peter taking a step of faith out onto the water. He had to focus on Christ or he was sinking.
So thankful for God my Father and the husband he's given me, gifted in the preaching and teaching of the word. Feeling especially blessed and thankful today :)
Monday, November 28, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
A little catching up
The past month or so has been a moment by moment trusting in the Lord. I guess that's the only way to go, right? I went from almost panicking at the thought of hosting a sort of "church" meeting in my home to trying to figure out how to encourage and nurture the little flock God has given us. It is exciting to see what an ecclesia really is. Even more exciting is how I feel God has set each step before us before I really even realize that is what our need is. This brings me back to the thought of Gods complete and sovereign faithfulness that I picked up on in my journey through Genesis. It is amazing to me how I think something needs to look a certain way and then realize God already has everything all planned out and when I submit to Him it goes just as He has desired for my life. That thought and realization right there makes me sigh in relief...whew thank you Faithful Father.
My journey through Acts has been so eye opening as well. I've read it before, studied it before, but never like this. This study through Acts with the help of Bible Study Fellowship has been so enlightening. Its really neat to share with Sean what I am learning and see my husband smile and think, "now God why wouldn't she listen to me when I tried to teach her these things?" But the coolest part is that my husband is happy for me that I am learning these neat and very important truths for the edification of Christian brothers and sisters, for the ecclesia. What is even neater is that as I studied through my lesson this week and came across the question of circumcision and the difference between Jewish Christians at Antioch and Jerusalem Christians I was able to answer with complete confidence and easily recall some facts I just learned through the lesson my husband taught on this past Sunday during our "church" time. God is so good. Even in moments of panic and wonder of the unknown, God is so so good to me and shows me He is to be trusted, He is worthy of all praise, He knows what is best for me all of the time. Thank you God!
My journey through Acts has been so eye opening as well. I've read it before, studied it before, but never like this. This study through Acts with the help of Bible Study Fellowship has been so enlightening. Its really neat to share with Sean what I am learning and see my husband smile and think, "now God why wouldn't she listen to me when I tried to teach her these things?" But the coolest part is that my husband is happy for me that I am learning these neat and very important truths for the edification of Christian brothers and sisters, for the ecclesia. What is even neater is that as I studied through my lesson this week and came across the question of circumcision and the difference between Jewish Christians at Antioch and Jerusalem Christians I was able to answer with complete confidence and easily recall some facts I just learned through the lesson my husband taught on this past Sunday during our "church" time. God is so good. Even in moments of panic and wonder of the unknown, God is so so good to me and shows me He is to be trusted, He is worthy of all praise, He knows what is best for me all of the time. Thank you God!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Whoa whoa whoa God!
I would say Im speechless but its really like I can't order my thoughts straight. I have plenty to say but where do I start?
Ok I'll start with the fact that we have been at our beloved place of fellowship since the fall of 2005. For the past year my husband and I have felt like there has been a pull to find a closer church home but denied and stuffed that feeling away. Over the past 2 months or so we have really felt the strain of traveling even farther with our 2 small kiddos and really wishing we just could be closer. There is no way, though we've thought about it, that we would move closer to church ourselves because its a quite congested traffic area and we really really aren't fans of that. We feel like where we are is our "oikos" (sphere on influence) and it would just be wrong to leave it. So we've prayed, prayed, and even let our spiritual enemy have his hand on why we must go! Thank God we have come to the conclusion that it really is for the fact that God is ushering us into something smaller and local. We have friends who have wanted to go to church but feel our church home is too far and then we lose touch and the interest fades. So we begin our search...nothing...really nothing... Not feeling God say this is the one and so our search continues. We meet with our Pastor and our Associate Pastor. Funny thing is since coming to Christ they have seen qualities of pastor in my husband. He does have a passion for the word and we can relate to some people that others may not be able to. He has had training in pastor studies via a source our associate pastor uses to train and disciple. Gods will be done right? Yeah but how about after Sean is done with his schooling he is currently enrolled in to further medicine? How about in 10-20 years I say, oh and how about when the boys get older. Again my pastor reminds me he was the same age, and had 1 kid extra on me, no excuses. Thats great thats all fine but ok lets hear from God. Thanks for the encouragement that is wonderful all these thoughts and ideas but c'mon God where ya at? Well the following day I have a friend come over we discuss simple church, the early church, and oh yeah I am studying Acts in BSF with was followed by my own verse by verse study of Genesis. God is faithful was the overriding message. So as I talk I get a message from a friend seeking Jesus, she just didn't know it ;). I've shared my testimony with her before but it was a no thanks. So now out of the blue she says ok I need church now. What do I do where do I go? She is in my oikos. I tell her Im looking for one in area, I'll let ya know and worst case you'll just come over to my house and we can sit and talk. Since she's never been to church she likes that option. So then BSF, my new friend in group who I keep running into explains she feels like she needs to reconnect with God even though she's still in church somewhere and may be looking for new church. She lives 10 minutes from me. My oikos. So then she somehow winds up in the same hemodynamics class my husband is in the following Friday. Too many coincidences. She said if you start a church I'm in. Hahaha!!! I say this is funny. So I pray, I fast, I pray. God what is going on??? So Im leaving out a bunch of God moments. Way too many coincidences and possible confirmations that God may be calling for a house church. Oh no oh no!!! I am scared! So with all of that and even the woman giving lecture at BSF seemed to know the situation and speak directly to me...I know I have to take one day at a time, stay calm -- the Lord fights (works) for me (Ex.14:14), and walk by faith not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7). Whew! I want to say no Lord but then that wouldn't make him Lord of my life. I have to trust and not be afraid. Last Sunday we had seven adults and 6 children. This coming Sunday we may have up to 13 adults (?) and (13?) kids? Oh geesh! I don't have a big home its one story very open floor plan and Im asking God to please bring a calm over myself and the kiddos. To let Himself be glorified and if this is what he want that he would make it all to be at peace, to let his word be heard and if not then shut it down shut it down and provide another church that we can take all of these people seeking a church to. Also there is a pastor of 30 years we've connected with, maybe he is in on some plan the Lord has? I hope so! Also worship leader is stuck between here and another offer. And I need child care!!!! I have resources for kids devotional from when we led a group previously and I can do that but I don't, selfishly, want to get burnt out and never have time to sit under a teaching myself. Oh so I bring these things to His throne, His grace is sufficient for me. I have a plan with the kids, need a helper, a sitter for about an hour but a devotional and structure is in place. Just need a sitter a good one. So I pray, our pastors pray, and those crazy men are excited! I just want to be in Gods will. Oh and my friend I've been praying for for 2 years she just bought a bible yesterday and hasn't taken her eyes out of it! Praise the Lord!!! She is coming over tomorrow to ask questions on a life in Christ. Praise the Lord that another sister was able to sow some seeds too. I thank God for the sisters He has provided me and through His providence I am encouraged. I thank God my husband and I are in unity and both walk one step at a time with fear and trembling, Lord your will be done not ours. *sigh* its out I feel better... But keep praying!!! I know I've left lots out but feel free to ask, pray, or speak words of encouragement. Now to get my bible study on!
Ok I'll start with the fact that we have been at our beloved place of fellowship since the fall of 2005. For the past year my husband and I have felt like there has been a pull to find a closer church home but denied and stuffed that feeling away. Over the past 2 months or so we have really felt the strain of traveling even farther with our 2 small kiddos and really wishing we just could be closer. There is no way, though we've thought about it, that we would move closer to church ourselves because its a quite congested traffic area and we really really aren't fans of that. We feel like where we are is our "oikos" (sphere on influence) and it would just be wrong to leave it. So we've prayed, prayed, and even let our spiritual enemy have his hand on why we must go! Thank God we have come to the conclusion that it really is for the fact that God is ushering us into something smaller and local. We have friends who have wanted to go to church but feel our church home is too far and then we lose touch and the interest fades. So we begin our search...nothing...really nothing... Not feeling God say this is the one and so our search continues. We meet with our Pastor and our Associate Pastor. Funny thing is since coming to Christ they have seen qualities of pastor in my husband. He does have a passion for the word and we can relate to some people that others may not be able to. He has had training in pastor studies via a source our associate pastor uses to train and disciple. Gods will be done right? Yeah but how about after Sean is done with his schooling he is currently enrolled in to further medicine? How about in 10-20 years I say, oh and how about when the boys get older. Again my pastor reminds me he was the same age, and had 1 kid extra on me, no excuses. Thats great thats all fine but ok lets hear from God. Thanks for the encouragement that is wonderful all these thoughts and ideas but c'mon God where ya at? Well the following day I have a friend come over we discuss simple church, the early church, and oh yeah I am studying Acts in BSF with was followed by my own verse by verse study of Genesis. God is faithful was the overriding message. So as I talk I get a message from a friend seeking Jesus, she just didn't know it ;). I've shared my testimony with her before but it was a no thanks. So now out of the blue she says ok I need church now. What do I do where do I go? She is in my oikos. I tell her Im looking for one in area, I'll let ya know and worst case you'll just come over to my house and we can sit and talk. Since she's never been to church she likes that option. So then BSF, my new friend in group who I keep running into explains she feels like she needs to reconnect with God even though she's still in church somewhere and may be looking for new church. She lives 10 minutes from me. My oikos. So then she somehow winds up in the same hemodynamics class my husband is in the following Friday. Too many coincidences. She said if you start a church I'm in. Hahaha!!! I say this is funny. So I pray, I fast, I pray. God what is going on??? So Im leaving out a bunch of God moments. Way too many coincidences and possible confirmations that God may be calling for a house church. Oh no oh no!!! I am scared! So with all of that and even the woman giving lecture at BSF seemed to know the situation and speak directly to me...I know I have to take one day at a time, stay calm -- the Lord fights (works) for me (Ex.14:14), and walk by faith not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7). Whew! I want to say no Lord but then that wouldn't make him Lord of my life. I have to trust and not be afraid. Last Sunday we had seven adults and 6 children. This coming Sunday we may have up to 13 adults (?) and (13?) kids? Oh geesh! I don't have a big home its one story very open floor plan and Im asking God to please bring a calm over myself and the kiddos. To let Himself be glorified and if this is what he want that he would make it all to be at peace, to let his word be heard and if not then shut it down shut it down and provide another church that we can take all of these people seeking a church to. Also there is a pastor of 30 years we've connected with, maybe he is in on some plan the Lord has? I hope so! Also worship leader is stuck between here and another offer. And I need child care!!!! I have resources for kids devotional from when we led a group previously and I can do that but I don't, selfishly, want to get burnt out and never have time to sit under a teaching myself. Oh so I bring these things to His throne, His grace is sufficient for me. I have a plan with the kids, need a helper, a sitter for about an hour but a devotional and structure is in place. Just need a sitter a good one. So I pray, our pastors pray, and those crazy men are excited! I just want to be in Gods will. Oh and my friend I've been praying for for 2 years she just bought a bible yesterday and hasn't taken her eyes out of it! Praise the Lord!!! She is coming over tomorrow to ask questions on a life in Christ. Praise the Lord that another sister was able to sow some seeds too. I thank God for the sisters He has provided me and through His providence I am encouraged. I thank God my husband and I are in unity and both walk one step at a time with fear and trembling, Lord your will be done not ours. *sigh* its out I feel better... But keep praying!!! I know I've left lots out but feel free to ask, pray, or speak words of encouragement. Now to get my bible study on!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Wow God!
Hello blog how has it been?!
It has been awhile and wow God! Whenever I take time to reflect I just have to sit back and begin to realize how dynamic the teaching of simplicity can be. I just finished up doing a deep, verse by verse study...study, not just reading, of Genesis.
GOD IS FAITHFUL
Regardless of where we wander, where we roam, when we decide to listen, His chosen children of the promise will be directed to his path, his purpose, and his plan.
Amen. Selah. Pause and think of that.
Miraculously, I consider it to be, Acts is my next book of study. I didn't intentionally seek out Acts it just happens to be this semesters study with Bible Study Fellowship. Just finishing up the first chapter and again I have to say Wow God!
HOLY SPIRIT ADVOCATE COUNSELOR
Again, I've read Acts before but not like this. Romans 8:10 "If Christ is in you although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. v. 11 His spirit dwells in you. v. 14 all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons (and for our sake ladies, daughters) of God. v. 15 we cry Abba! Father!" 2 Corinthians 1:21,22 "And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has annointed us, and who has also PUT HIS SEAL ON US and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee." Praise the Lord! Whose power am I working on? Whose power shall I seek? Do I devote prayer AND the word to be a witness? All too often there is a slant towards one or the other. I can do nothing without His presence.
EARLY CHURCH
Acts 1:14 "All these (the apostles) with one accord were DEVOTING THEMSELVES TO PRAYER TOGETHER with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus and his brothers." I thank you Abba that you had your author Luke include that the women were there and that they all together devoted themselves to each other and to prayer and to the word of God. I thank God that we have the ability to study the history, the prophesy, the works of the apostles, the acts of Jesus and for the Holy Spirit to guide us into all truth. I thank you God that even if someone has organization, dedication and devotion that it doesn't make them holy or righteous in your sight. That without the presence of the Holy Spirit, without the seal on our life, we can do nothing. We can lead no person, no group, without having the purpose and presence of Jesus Christ and the power through the Holy Spirit. If we muster up and carelessly appoint we work for man, seek the purpose of man and his plans rather than for the purpose and plans of our Master through the power and presence of the Holy Spirit.
How important it is to model, to walk in and not lose sight of the example left for us 2000 years ago. And this was around 2000 years ago so how easy it its to lose sight. We must stay grounded in His word to hear his commands and walk in the truth.
So my thoughts are something as simple as reading the word through prayer and study, He reminds me to get back to the basics of His word.
Amen.
It has been awhile and wow God! Whenever I take time to reflect I just have to sit back and begin to realize how dynamic the teaching of simplicity can be. I just finished up doing a deep, verse by verse study...study, not just reading, of Genesis.
GOD IS FAITHFUL
Regardless of where we wander, where we roam, when we decide to listen, His chosen children of the promise will be directed to his path, his purpose, and his plan.
Amen. Selah. Pause and think of that.
Miraculously, I consider it to be, Acts is my next book of study. I didn't intentionally seek out Acts it just happens to be this semesters study with Bible Study Fellowship. Just finishing up the first chapter and again I have to say Wow God!
HOLY SPIRIT ADVOCATE COUNSELOR
Again, I've read Acts before but not like this. Romans 8:10 "If Christ is in you although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. v. 11 His spirit dwells in you. v. 14 all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons (and for our sake ladies, daughters) of God. v. 15 we cry Abba! Father!" 2 Corinthians 1:21,22 "And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has annointed us, and who has also PUT HIS SEAL ON US and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee." Praise the Lord! Whose power am I working on? Whose power shall I seek? Do I devote prayer AND the word to be a witness? All too often there is a slant towards one or the other. I can do nothing without His presence.
EARLY CHURCH
Acts 1:14 "All these (the apostles) with one accord were DEVOTING THEMSELVES TO PRAYER TOGETHER with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus and his brothers." I thank you Abba that you had your author Luke include that the women were there and that they all together devoted themselves to each other and to prayer and to the word of God. I thank God that we have the ability to study the history, the prophesy, the works of the apostles, the acts of Jesus and for the Holy Spirit to guide us into all truth. I thank you God that even if someone has organization, dedication and devotion that it doesn't make them holy or righteous in your sight. That without the presence of the Holy Spirit, without the seal on our life, we can do nothing. We can lead no person, no group, without having the purpose and presence of Jesus Christ and the power through the Holy Spirit. If we muster up and carelessly appoint we work for man, seek the purpose of man and his plans rather than for the purpose and plans of our Master through the power and presence of the Holy Spirit.
How important it is to model, to walk in and not lose sight of the example left for us 2000 years ago. And this was around 2000 years ago so how easy it its to lose sight. We must stay grounded in His word to hear his commands and walk in the truth.
So my thoughts are something as simple as reading the word through prayer and study, He reminds me to get back to the basics of His word.
Amen.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Reflecting
Over the past week I have had the opportunity to share my testimony which of course includes my life before Christ. I am so radically different that people almost don't believe me.
On one occasion in sharing my past I felt God be glorified. The woman I shared with was one of my nurses aids that I've been praying for. Since I will be leaving work soon she wanted to thank me for my prayers because she felt it made a difference and would like to attend church. I explained to her that it wasn't me but it was Christ. This led to sharing my testimony. She thought because I was blond, put together, smiling, and joyful that I must have been raised this way and that I must come from a well to do family. When I explained to her that I was a bartender/waitress prior to being a nurse and that I had my fair share on the other side of the bar she could not believe me. I think that a good thing and praise the Father for sending his Son to die for me. Praise the Lord! I know that God makes all things to bring him praise and glory so at this moment I didn't feel bad about where I came from. I felt great knowing that my Lord would accept me and hem me in.
On the other occasion, I traveled through my past upon probing questions from my hair dresser. I've been praying for her too since going to her up to 2 years ago. The last time I met with her the Holy Spirit totally guided and she began asking questions about the end of the world, her relationship with her husband, sin, and the conflict between her now Jewish mother and doctrine. She is a smart woman but the allure of this world is too much. I didn't expect our conversation to ever go there but it did. And I was in amazement over how I can never have a plan, I can never expect to share or not to share with someone. Its all in the Lords timing. I sometimes feel conflicted about sharing Christ to others. I desire to, I look for opportunities and whenever the opportunity presents itself I'm on it to the best God has equipped me. I only pray that in doing this at any point that these I share with would see the love of Jesus, the acceptance that is offered and the renewed life and freedom. No, God isn't ok with sin but He is greater than any stronghold, greater than any guilt and will set anyone free who is willing to let go of this world. Oh my heart aches!
So my latest hair appointment went well, love my hair, but I can tell she isn't ready to receive a changed life. This life, our will, is too strong. She knows I'm different but is learning how different. I don't listen to the latest pop, I haven't a clue whats going on in pop culture. All I could say is I try to listen to things that are uplifting and encouraging. It was a hard thing to let go of initially but I knew Ozz Fest wasn't where Christ would have me be currently. I can't bring myself to listen to all of the sexuality that is in nearly every pop song. I love a beat and if I ever graze by that station the beat may catch me for a moment, until I hear about someones hoe or how some woman can do blah blah blah. If I get caught up listening to the things in my past I will be tempted to think like I once did. I will be tempted to take on the attitude that kept me afloat on my own will for all of my life. I will not take up my own mess, I will take up the cross of Jesus and walk in His path set for me. When I carried it on my own I masked it with Jack and Coke, cigarettes, a fighters attitude and kept on, keeping on. I prided myself for my strength and well pride. I now can live life free in Christ. Free in heart, mind, soul. Free to be the one who he desires for me to be. I thank Jesus! I thank my Abba Father for loving me so much to take me in, save me, cleanse me and completely renew me.
I guess it just takes a little reflecting and catching up with where Christ has brought me to not allow the sin that was so dark to taunt me.
Psalm 61:3,4 "You are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies (satan) cannot reach me. Let me live forever in your sanctuary, safe beneath the shelter of your wings!"
On one occasion in sharing my past I felt God be glorified. The woman I shared with was one of my nurses aids that I've been praying for. Since I will be leaving work soon she wanted to thank me for my prayers because she felt it made a difference and would like to attend church. I explained to her that it wasn't me but it was Christ. This led to sharing my testimony. She thought because I was blond, put together, smiling, and joyful that I must have been raised this way and that I must come from a well to do family. When I explained to her that I was a bartender/waitress prior to being a nurse and that I had my fair share on the other side of the bar she could not believe me. I think that a good thing and praise the Father for sending his Son to die for me. Praise the Lord! I know that God makes all things to bring him praise and glory so at this moment I didn't feel bad about where I came from. I felt great knowing that my Lord would accept me and hem me in.
On the other occasion, I traveled through my past upon probing questions from my hair dresser. I've been praying for her too since going to her up to 2 years ago. The last time I met with her the Holy Spirit totally guided and she began asking questions about the end of the world, her relationship with her husband, sin, and the conflict between her now Jewish mother and doctrine. She is a smart woman but the allure of this world is too much. I didn't expect our conversation to ever go there but it did. And I was in amazement over how I can never have a plan, I can never expect to share or not to share with someone. Its all in the Lords timing. I sometimes feel conflicted about sharing Christ to others. I desire to, I look for opportunities and whenever the opportunity presents itself I'm on it to the best God has equipped me. I only pray that in doing this at any point that these I share with would see the love of Jesus, the acceptance that is offered and the renewed life and freedom. No, God isn't ok with sin but He is greater than any stronghold, greater than any guilt and will set anyone free who is willing to let go of this world. Oh my heart aches!
So my latest hair appointment went well, love my hair, but I can tell she isn't ready to receive a changed life. This life, our will, is too strong. She knows I'm different but is learning how different. I don't listen to the latest pop, I haven't a clue whats going on in pop culture. All I could say is I try to listen to things that are uplifting and encouraging. It was a hard thing to let go of initially but I knew Ozz Fest wasn't where Christ would have me be currently. I can't bring myself to listen to all of the sexuality that is in nearly every pop song. I love a beat and if I ever graze by that station the beat may catch me for a moment, until I hear about someones hoe or how some woman can do blah blah blah. If I get caught up listening to the things in my past I will be tempted to think like I once did. I will be tempted to take on the attitude that kept me afloat on my own will for all of my life. I will not take up my own mess, I will take up the cross of Jesus and walk in His path set for me. When I carried it on my own I masked it with Jack and Coke, cigarettes, a fighters attitude and kept on, keeping on. I prided myself for my strength and well pride. I now can live life free in Christ. Free in heart, mind, soul. Free to be the one who he desires for me to be. I thank Jesus! I thank my Abba Father for loving me so much to take me in, save me, cleanse me and completely renew me.
I guess it just takes a little reflecting and catching up with where Christ has brought me to not allow the sin that was so dark to taunt me.
Psalm 61:3,4 "You are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies (satan) cannot reach me. Let me live forever in your sanctuary, safe beneath the shelter of your wings!"
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Another great piece from Streams...
"Being perplexed, I say,
"Lord, make it right!
Night is as day to Thee,
Darkness as light.
I am afraid to touch
Things that involve so much;
My trembling hand may shake,
My skilless hand may break;
Thine can make no mistake."
Being in doubt I say,
"Lord, make it plain;
Which is the true, safe way?
Which would be gain?
I am not wise to know,
Nor sure of foot to go;
What is so clear to Thee,
Lord, make it clear to me!"
"It is such a comfort to drop the tangles of life into God's hands and leave them there."
Lord I will trust in You!
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Streams in the Desert, Must share
July 3rd
Doth the plowman plow all day to sow? (Isa. 28:24)
One day in early summer I walked past a beautiful meadow. The grass was as soft and thick and fine as an immense green Oriental rug. In one corner stood a fine old tree, a sanctuary for numberless wild birds; the crisp, sweet air was full of their happy songs. Two cows lay in the shade, the very picture of content.
Down by the roadside the saucy dandelion mingled his gold with the royal purple of the wild violet. I leaned against the fence for a long time, feasting my hungry eyes, and thinking in my soul that God never made a fairer spot than my lovely meadow.
The next day I passed that way again, and lo! The hand of the despoiler had been there. A plowman and his great plow, now standing idle in the furrow, had in a day wrought a terrible havoc. Instead of the green grass there was turned up to view the ugly , bare, brown earth; instead of the singing birds there were only a few hens industriously scratching for worms. Gone were the dandelion and the pretty violet. I said in my grief, “How could anyone spoil a thing so fair?”
Then my eyes were opened by some unseen hand, and I saw a vision, a vision of a field of ripe corn ready for harvest. I could see the giant, heavily laden stalks in the autumn sun; I could almost hear the music of the wind as it would sweep across the golden tassels. And before I was aware, the brown earth took on a splendor it had not had the day before.
Oh that we might always catch the vision of an abundant harvest, when the great Master Plowman comes, as He often does, and furrows through our very souls, uprooting and turning under that which we thought most fair, and leaving for our tortured gaze on ly the bare and the beautiful.
Why should I start at the plough of my Lord, that maketh the deep furrows of my soul? I know He is no idle husbandman, He purposeth a crop.
Streams in the Desert
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
When a positive is a negative
Last fall I went in to my ob-gyn for my check up. At the check up I also voiced my, new to me, irregularity of cycles. Usually I am very regular to the hour I always knew when my cycle would begin. Since having Jaiven, finishing breast feeding, trying the mini-pill (good while breast feeding) and deciding to end it, I couldn't seem to regulate a cycle. I have aways hated the pill! I figured the first few months had to be my body getting back on track. After 41 days of off and on spotting continuously I thought I should mention this to my Dr. at the check up. I also had a strange cramp or feeling of pressure on my right side near where my ovary would be. I have always been a glass is half full kind of girl so never ever would I consider myself a hypochondriac. I voiced this to my Dr. and how I just didn't know what it could be.
I didn't even want to go there but I reminded him that my Nana had ovarian cancer and that it makes me a little nervous with this type of pressure/bloating/spotting for 41 days. We went back over my family history. Mothers grandmother - breast cancer, mothers mother - ovarian cancer stage 4, mothers younger sister at age of 27 found a lump by 28 she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and after battling cancer with a mastectomy and rounds of radiation and chemo she passed at the age of 32. My moms youngest sister was diagnosed with breast cancer in the spring of 2008. After a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery and ovaries removed my aunt is a cancer survivor. My mom was told in 2009 that she needed to have the BRCA gene test done to verify her risk for her own health. She was informed she indeed have the gene BRCA 1 positive for mutation of breast, ovarian, uterine, pancreatic and colon cancers.
My mom did as she does best and bucked up, toughed it out and walked right out of that office and said nu-uh I don't think so! By the summer of 2010 after dodging her Dr.'s she was found cornered in an office with two gynecologists and an oncologist. Two of which took care of my youngest aunt while battling cancer. They came down hard on her asking what she was doing to herself, explained that she was just waiting for a lump to appear or some other sign or symptom and that once she actually has cancer she too would have to go through chemo and surgery to hopefully save her life. They explained to her that she did not have to wait for this to happen. She could take prophylactic measures to preserve her life. She would take her risk down from 90-95% down to 13%. This crushed my mom. I thought hey that's great, I don't want to watch you puke, lose your hair and have to recover from surgery all at the same time. Finally by the fall of 2010 my mom readied herself for surgery.
This past spring she went through excruciating surgery and is preparing to have her ovaries removed in the coming months. I am so glad that I don't have to worry every time my mom has a mammogram what the results could say. I am relieved.
Back to my appointment. I caught my Dr. up with my moms results, my aunts diagnosis and questions on if I should be concerned with this crazy cycle I was in. Hearing my moms positive results he told me not to go anywhere the appointment wasn't over and I was going to have the BRCA test done immediately. I've always been against it. I didn't want a statistic to tell me how I should live my life. I knew I was at risk but I didn't want numbers. I really wanted to slide off of that table and sneak out. I figure we could die in a car accident any day, whats that statistic? Still he wanted me to begin taking birth control again, something I was also against because while it decreases your ovarian risk it raises your breast risk. He also felt I may have poly cystic ovarian syndrome and that may also be helped with birth control pills. I reluctantly succumbed.
I was told that I would get my results in 2-3 weeks and that I could call the lab for my results. Being a nurse I should've known they wouldn't give me my results or at least it wouldn't be easy. For two long weeks I waited and I prayed. I did not want to have a positive test result. The before Thanksgiving I should have gotten my results. My results had been read but I was told my Dr. would contact me. Well it was Thanksgiving and all offices were closed.
By the following Monday I received my results straight from a personal phone call from my Dr. I wasn't ok. I cried, I felt like I had a label that was a sentence to an impending death. I had to remind myself that this doesn't mean I absolutely will get it but I only had a 40% of not getting it. I was working on an RN class at the time and how lovely for it to be over cancer. I couldn't focus, all I could think of was my number, 60%. I prayed, did what I knew would help or at least not add to my risk and began eating organic as much as possible. Pesticides have proven to be linked to cancer. I attempted to be more regular at exercise, still struggling with consistency.
Once Christmas came and passed and the new year began I felt like I had tucked it away decently and reminded myself yet again that God has my days numbered in His book, regardless of what 60% means. I do find comfort in that.
So why is this all coming back up? Well I'm on birth control just like my Dr. advised and I haven't had a cycle now in 4-5 months. That's ok, I don't mind not having cramps but I wonder what the heck is going on with my body! Oh and I have regrettably gained at least 10 lbs. That is not cool!!! I did have a bout with cupcakes in January early February but its been months. Exercise and healthy eating and that 10 isn't budging. Oh yeah some oral contraceptives can cause weight gain. Yea me! I work with a very trusted, highly intelligent and wonderfully trained ob-gyn. I decided I didn't want to make an appointment with my Dr for something that wasn't a concern and again I don't ever want to be a hypochondriac. So I asked this Dr., whom I love, if this was a concern. Whats her first question? Do you have a significant family health history? What does this mean to an obgyn? Yep I tell her I am BRCA positive. She is catching herself up with the history I've given and says did you get tested? Again I tell her yes, yes I did. She interrupts and asks if I have my results. I again say yes, yes I am BRCA 1 positive...but my question is why no period for so long and I'm not pregnant. She stops. She looks at me endearingly and says well it could be pill amenorrhea. Stopped periods because of the pill. But you should still have an ultrasound just to be safe. And I have patients waiting on me so I thank her and make my way out of the ever so uncomfortable nurses station. It was a private conversation that grew into a group conversation. While my co-workers tried to remain quiet their ears were perked. I had to get on with my day :) I don't do serious when I am the subject very well. So a couple of weeks later, still no period and a Dr. who every time looks at me like she can see this number visibly and who would probably would like to take me into an exam room just to check me over herself, I am reminded of how crappy this statistic is. How when I first found out I was a better advocate for health and how I have slowly crept back into a comfortable position of consuming bad chocolate (not that chocolate causes cancer, just lots of chocolate doesn't help weight) and a more than occasional Dr. Pepper or Coke. This Dr. is so very caring and compassionate so I don't mind her bringing it back up because I can see her care for me. She again the last time I worked with her told me I need my ovaries out, same as what my Dr. said and my moms Dr. told me during my moms surgery, and that I need to either have more kids or not. I explained I am young, I'm 27 and I can't make that decision. She asks me again, what was your aunts age? 27. I can't help but think of her circumstance and how her 2 children were the same age as mine. And then I can't help but picture her at my cousins 4th birthday with her scarf on her head slightly hiding her baldness. I am not her, I know.
I however, was a person who, I am sorry forgive me, was a smoker through all of the teenage years and thankfully quit shortly after being saved. I was someone who could care less if she took in any cancer causing agent to now looking at every package for aspartame. So I guess where I find myself now is, do I continue this oral contraceptive that I can't stand to lower my ovarian risk by 10% or say forget it and get off of it. I really can't stand it. I've gained weight, had some break outs, find myself feeling like PMS, then not.
And this history does again push me to be super healthy, "green" and so very thankful for the days God has given me. I am so thankful that I can watch my boys grow, that I can be a support to my loving husband and be so thankful that I am decently healthy. Why take one day for granted? We are not promised one breath. I have no control of my future so I choose to live this day for Christ, to live joyously as much as this flesh allows, and be so thankful for the life God has given me.
Psalm 39:4,5 "Lord, make me to know my end and [to appreciate] the measure of my days--what it is; let me know and realize how frail I am [how transient is my stay here].
Behold, You have made my days as [short as] handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing in Your sight. Truly every man at his best is merely a breath! Selah [pause, and think calmly of that]!" Amplified
I didn't even want to go there but I reminded him that my Nana had ovarian cancer and that it makes me a little nervous with this type of pressure/bloating/spotting for 41 days. We went back over my family history. Mothers grandmother - breast cancer, mothers mother - ovarian cancer stage 4, mothers younger sister at age of 27 found a lump by 28 she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and after battling cancer with a mastectomy and rounds of radiation and chemo she passed at the age of 32. My moms youngest sister was diagnosed with breast cancer in the spring of 2008. After a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery and ovaries removed my aunt is a cancer survivor. My mom was told in 2009 that she needed to have the BRCA gene test done to verify her risk for her own health. She was informed she indeed have the gene BRCA 1 positive for mutation of breast, ovarian, uterine, pancreatic and colon cancers.
My mom did as she does best and bucked up, toughed it out and walked right out of that office and said nu-uh I don't think so! By the summer of 2010 after dodging her Dr.'s she was found cornered in an office with two gynecologists and an oncologist. Two of which took care of my youngest aunt while battling cancer. They came down hard on her asking what she was doing to herself, explained that she was just waiting for a lump to appear or some other sign or symptom and that once she actually has cancer she too would have to go through chemo and surgery to hopefully save her life. They explained to her that she did not have to wait for this to happen. She could take prophylactic measures to preserve her life. She would take her risk down from 90-95% down to 13%. This crushed my mom. I thought hey that's great, I don't want to watch you puke, lose your hair and have to recover from surgery all at the same time. Finally by the fall of 2010 my mom readied herself for surgery.
This past spring she went through excruciating surgery and is preparing to have her ovaries removed in the coming months. I am so glad that I don't have to worry every time my mom has a mammogram what the results could say. I am relieved.
Back to my appointment. I caught my Dr. up with my moms results, my aunts diagnosis and questions on if I should be concerned with this crazy cycle I was in. Hearing my moms positive results he told me not to go anywhere the appointment wasn't over and I was going to have the BRCA test done immediately. I've always been against it. I didn't want a statistic to tell me how I should live my life. I knew I was at risk but I didn't want numbers. I really wanted to slide off of that table and sneak out. I figure we could die in a car accident any day, whats that statistic? Still he wanted me to begin taking birth control again, something I was also against because while it decreases your ovarian risk it raises your breast risk. He also felt I may have poly cystic ovarian syndrome and that may also be helped with birth control pills. I reluctantly succumbed.
I was told that I would get my results in 2-3 weeks and that I could call the lab for my results. Being a nurse I should've known they wouldn't give me my results or at least it wouldn't be easy. For two long weeks I waited and I prayed. I did not want to have a positive test result. The before Thanksgiving I should have gotten my results. My results had been read but I was told my Dr. would contact me. Well it was Thanksgiving and all offices were closed.
By the following Monday I received my results straight from a personal phone call from my Dr. I wasn't ok. I cried, I felt like I had a label that was a sentence to an impending death. I had to remind myself that this doesn't mean I absolutely will get it but I only had a 40% of not getting it. I was working on an RN class at the time and how lovely for it to be over cancer. I couldn't focus, all I could think of was my number, 60%. I prayed, did what I knew would help or at least not add to my risk and began eating organic as much as possible. Pesticides have proven to be linked to cancer. I attempted to be more regular at exercise, still struggling with consistency.
Once Christmas came and passed and the new year began I felt like I had tucked it away decently and reminded myself yet again that God has my days numbered in His book, regardless of what 60% means. I do find comfort in that.
So why is this all coming back up? Well I'm on birth control just like my Dr. advised and I haven't had a cycle now in 4-5 months. That's ok, I don't mind not having cramps but I wonder what the heck is going on with my body! Oh and I have regrettably gained at least 10 lbs. That is not cool!!! I did have a bout with cupcakes in January early February but its been months. Exercise and healthy eating and that 10 isn't budging. Oh yeah some oral contraceptives can cause weight gain. Yea me! I work with a very trusted, highly intelligent and wonderfully trained ob-gyn. I decided I didn't want to make an appointment with my Dr for something that wasn't a concern and again I don't ever want to be a hypochondriac. So I asked this Dr., whom I love, if this was a concern. Whats her first question? Do you have a significant family health history? What does this mean to an obgyn? Yep I tell her I am BRCA positive. She is catching herself up with the history I've given and says did you get tested? Again I tell her yes, yes I did. She interrupts and asks if I have my results. I again say yes, yes I am BRCA 1 positive...but my question is why no period for so long and I'm not pregnant. She stops. She looks at me endearingly and says well it could be pill amenorrhea. Stopped periods because of the pill. But you should still have an ultrasound just to be safe. And I have patients waiting on me so I thank her and make my way out of the ever so uncomfortable nurses station. It was a private conversation that grew into a group conversation. While my co-workers tried to remain quiet their ears were perked. I had to get on with my day :) I don't do serious when I am the subject very well. So a couple of weeks later, still no period and a Dr. who every time looks at me like she can see this number visibly and who would probably would like to take me into an exam room just to check me over herself, I am reminded of how crappy this statistic is. How when I first found out I was a better advocate for health and how I have slowly crept back into a comfortable position of consuming bad chocolate (not that chocolate causes cancer, just lots of chocolate doesn't help weight) and a more than occasional Dr. Pepper or Coke. This Dr. is so very caring and compassionate so I don't mind her bringing it back up because I can see her care for me. She again the last time I worked with her told me I need my ovaries out, same as what my Dr. said and my moms Dr. told me during my moms surgery, and that I need to either have more kids or not. I explained I am young, I'm 27 and I can't make that decision. She asks me again, what was your aunts age? 27. I can't help but think of her circumstance and how her 2 children were the same age as mine. And then I can't help but picture her at my cousins 4th birthday with her scarf on her head slightly hiding her baldness. I am not her, I know.
I however, was a person who, I am sorry forgive me, was a smoker through all of the teenage years and thankfully quit shortly after being saved. I was someone who could care less if she took in any cancer causing agent to now looking at every package for aspartame. So I guess where I find myself now is, do I continue this oral contraceptive that I can't stand to lower my ovarian risk by 10% or say forget it and get off of it. I really can't stand it. I've gained weight, had some break outs, find myself feeling like PMS, then not.
And this history does again push me to be super healthy, "green" and so very thankful for the days God has given me. I am so thankful that I can watch my boys grow, that I can be a support to my loving husband and be so thankful that I am decently healthy. Why take one day for granted? We are not promised one breath. I have no control of my future so I choose to live this day for Christ, to live joyously as much as this flesh allows, and be so thankful for the life God has given me.
Psalm 39:4,5 "Lord, make me to know my end and [to appreciate] the measure of my days--what it is; let me know and realize how frail I am [how transient is my stay here].
Behold, You have made my days as [short as] handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing in Your sight. Truly every man at his best is merely a breath! Selah [pause, and think calmly of that]!" Amplified
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Appetites
The sermon on Sunday at CrossBridge Community Church presented by Chris Dillashaw was pretty awesome. It covered the story of Jacob and Esau and how that relates to what we exchange for Gods calling.
Genesis 25:29-34 was related to what we trade our birthright, Gods calling, for an appetite. Jacob gained inheritance into Gods kingdom and Esau received soup...soup? Yes, soup! He was hungry, he was impulsive, he wanted soup, now!
Chris pointed out the problems and common appetites we Americans share. One of these problems was that we are never satisfied. Heard that word!
Possible appetites are as follows:
1. love and acceptance
2. progress
3. responsibility
4. fame
5. things
Of these five, I resonate with two of them. Hold on this may take a second to type out for fear of my having to acknowledge it....love and acceptance. eee...ugh... Hate the way that sounds. And that would be another problem the Lord is shinning his ever bright light on, pride. The second appetite I resonated with was progress. These two go together for me. If I make great progress then I will be loved and accepted. Even if that is self acceptance and self love. If I show progress in whatever area (school/nursing/humility/knowledge of the word, etc.) then I will be worthy of love and acceptance. Yuck, yuck, yuck!!! Excuse me I may have to pause. This is horrible I know!
However, still I know that I want Christ to grow in me. I want to make room for what He would have in my life. That means I have to lay all of that yucky stuff down. I have to, as Chris stated "reject the call of this world". I have to realize what it really means to be a child of God! I am NOT a child of me, I am NOT a child of accomplishments, I am NOT a child of whatever degree of success, I AM A CHILD OF GOD! Yes, Chris got just about as dramatic as that.
I want to live in freedom and victory however long this process of sanctification may be. I am realizing that each year it really is something new and sometimes a revisit to heal. Maybe this is just a part of denial but I've never thought myself as a people pleaser. At least I didn't quite feel that way before my new life in Christ. Interesting stuff we learn as new creations in Christ, ha! Even so, I know my Lord loves me, guides me, protects me, and has sovereignly chosen me to be His!
I'll also throw out there My Utmost For His Highest daily devotional was right on today too, matter of fact so was Streams in the Desert for anyone who reads those. God speaks loud sometimes, I just need more clarity of what His divine will is when they all seem so good for His glory...
Yep pretty true, out there, raw stuff. So easy does it on judgements, pretty vulnerable at this point. At least let this be for His glory and sanctifying work in me!
Acts 20:32 "And now I commend you to God and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified."
Here is a link to the sermon, I encourage whoever stumbles upon this to listen and really let Gods Spirit speak to your heart. www.crossbridgecommunitychurch.com click resource page for sermons, also found on itunes.
Genesis 25:29-34 was related to what we trade our birthright, Gods calling, for an appetite. Jacob gained inheritance into Gods kingdom and Esau received soup...soup? Yes, soup! He was hungry, he was impulsive, he wanted soup, now!
Chris pointed out the problems and common appetites we Americans share. One of these problems was that we are never satisfied. Heard that word!
Possible appetites are as follows:
1. love and acceptance
2. progress
3. responsibility
4. fame
5. things
Of these five, I resonate with two of them. Hold on this may take a second to type out for fear of my having to acknowledge it....love and acceptance. eee...ugh... Hate the way that sounds. And that would be another problem the Lord is shinning his ever bright light on, pride. The second appetite I resonated with was progress. These two go together for me. If I make great progress then I will be loved and accepted. Even if that is self acceptance and self love. If I show progress in whatever area (school/nursing/humility/knowledge of the word, etc.) then I will be worthy of love and acceptance. Yuck, yuck, yuck!!! Excuse me I may have to pause. This is horrible I know!
However, still I know that I want Christ to grow in me. I want to make room for what He would have in my life. That means I have to lay all of that yucky stuff down. I have to, as Chris stated "reject the call of this world". I have to realize what it really means to be a child of God! I am NOT a child of me, I am NOT a child of accomplishments, I am NOT a child of whatever degree of success, I AM A CHILD OF GOD! Yes, Chris got just about as dramatic as that.
I want to live in freedom and victory however long this process of sanctification may be. I am realizing that each year it really is something new and sometimes a revisit to heal. Maybe this is just a part of denial but I've never thought myself as a people pleaser. At least I didn't quite feel that way before my new life in Christ. Interesting stuff we learn as new creations in Christ, ha! Even so, I know my Lord loves me, guides me, protects me, and has sovereignly chosen me to be His!
I'll also throw out there My Utmost For His Highest daily devotional was right on today too, matter of fact so was Streams in the Desert for anyone who reads those. God speaks loud sometimes, I just need more clarity of what His divine will is when they all seem so good for His glory...
Yep pretty true, out there, raw stuff. So easy does it on judgements, pretty vulnerable at this point. At least let this be for His glory and sanctifying work in me!
Acts 20:32 "And now I commend you to God and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified."
Here is a link to the sermon, I encourage whoever stumbles upon this to listen and really let Gods Spirit speak to your heart. www.crossbridgecommunitychurch.com click resource page for sermons, also found on itunes.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
DE-CLUTTER!!!!
My idea has always been "a clean home is a clean mind". Somehow that changes when you have more than one child. Well its tough with one and then add another and a puppy and well there goes the neighborhood. Somehow I can only keep up with keeping a semi clean kitchen and living room, never mind my closets. So today is the day...master bedroom closet...going down! Watch out Sean I'm on a de-clutter everything track of mind. Ahhh already I feel so much better!
We moved in this home in November of 2005 and this has actually been the longest I've lived somewhere in over 12 years? That's a lot of clutter to collect! While moving is never fun, it sure keeps down on the amount of stuff you acquire.
So back to de-cluttering....
We moved in this home in November of 2005 and this has actually been the longest I've lived somewhere in over 12 years? That's a lot of clutter to collect! While moving is never fun, it sure keeps down on the amount of stuff you acquire.
So back to de-cluttering....
Friday, June 17, 2011
Oh me....
So much to say so little thought organization!
For one I am still enjoying vacation time with my family. Sean and I just got back from a great retreat, just the two of us. We have't been just the two of us for more than 24 hours in over 4 years! It was bliss!!! Initially I don't think we knew how to handle ourselves...think Braveheart "FREEDOM!!!!"
Still very nice to get home and love on my babies. I missed them like crazy and was filled with love and joy just to cuddle them.
Also new this week was purchasing Caiden's uniform and gathering more info from SACS. I am excited for him to attend Christian school but at the same time I still have in the back of my mind the homeschooling concept. Ugh... I am not a homeschooler. I have what feels like little control over my household but still the thought of am I making a good decision flares up. I love that SACS has sports and school pride, God pride. I don't know how I could cultivate that some kind of school pride team work here in the home. I realize private school has its own host of issues but Sean and I always have said either homeschool or private. I've always "X'd" the homeschool option. But somehow the anti-homeschooler I that I am, I am secretly trying to see how I could possibly make that work. Just thoughts people...just thoughts....
And to top that one off, I'm trying to figure out just why I am working. I love my job! Being a nurse and helping new and scared moms, helping sometimes sick babies, working with the people that I do. I love it! But really if I didn't work my home would save money and allow Sean to bring in more than what his and my pay combined bring in. Why am I doing this??? I love it! Pride? Could pride be tied to this? Thats the story of my life, go figure! As it is I only work 2 days. 2 long days but still I get to escape the confines of these four walls. Initially when I started work I definitely felt like God led me there. I was licensed to practice nursing and why wouldn't I use that license? Right now I see it as I have experience and my kiddos little lives keep going. They are growing fast and I want to make sure I never miss a thing! Whether thats in their private school functions or if I am their teacher I don't want to be absent from the time they wake up to the time the sleep even if it is 2 days. But then I could justify and say its only 2 day its not that bad :) Truly these have been my thoughts for over a couple of months but I hate the thought of leaving my hospital and well buying Caiden's uniforms and checking his event calendar may have overwhemed me. Oh Lord help me! And this is why this blog is titled journey through my thoughts because it sure is a journey!
Ahhh its out! I think I feel better. Oh yes, and prayers are much appreciated.
Excuse any grammatical errors or typos. I'm new at this ;)
For one I am still enjoying vacation time with my family. Sean and I just got back from a great retreat, just the two of us. We have't been just the two of us for more than 24 hours in over 4 years! It was bliss!!! Initially I don't think we knew how to handle ourselves...think Braveheart "FREEDOM!!!!"
Still very nice to get home and love on my babies. I missed them like crazy and was filled with love and joy just to cuddle them.
Also new this week was purchasing Caiden's uniform and gathering more info from SACS. I am excited for him to attend Christian school but at the same time I still have in the back of my mind the homeschooling concept. Ugh... I am not a homeschooler. I have what feels like little control over my household but still the thought of am I making a good decision flares up. I love that SACS has sports and school pride, God pride. I don't know how I could cultivate that some kind of school pride team work here in the home. I realize private school has its own host of issues but Sean and I always have said either homeschool or private. I've always "X'd" the homeschool option. But somehow the anti-homeschooler I that I am, I am secretly trying to see how I could possibly make that work. Just thoughts people...just thoughts....
And to top that one off, I'm trying to figure out just why I am working. I love my job! Being a nurse and helping new and scared moms, helping sometimes sick babies, working with the people that I do. I love it! But really if I didn't work my home would save money and allow Sean to bring in more than what his and my pay combined bring in. Why am I doing this??? I love it! Pride? Could pride be tied to this? Thats the story of my life, go figure! As it is I only work 2 days. 2 long days but still I get to escape the confines of these four walls. Initially when I started work I definitely felt like God led me there. I was licensed to practice nursing and why wouldn't I use that license? Right now I see it as I have experience and my kiddos little lives keep going. They are growing fast and I want to make sure I never miss a thing! Whether thats in their private school functions or if I am their teacher I don't want to be absent from the time they wake up to the time the sleep even if it is 2 days. But then I could justify and say its only 2 day its not that bad :) Truly these have been my thoughts for over a couple of months but I hate the thought of leaving my hospital and well buying Caiden's uniforms and checking his event calendar may have overwhemed me. Oh Lord help me! And this is why this blog is titled journey through my thoughts because it sure is a journey!
Ahhh its out! I think I feel better. Oh yes, and prayers are much appreciated.
Excuse any grammatical errors or typos. I'm new at this ;)
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